Sometimes…I Suck

Sometimes…I Suck

Can I tell you something?? Something that has been weighing heavily on me?

Sometimes…I suck. A lot of times I suck. At a lot of things. At life, even.

And you know what?

I’m just starting to learn how to be okay with that.

This week I read the first chapter of my book for January, “Becoming Myself,” and it is really speaking to me!!

I know what you’re thinking.

“If this book is going to tell me I am terrible at a lot of things…I’ll pass. I feel like that enough.”

Bear with me.

**side note**

All quotes for the rest of the post are from the book.

**

This chapter is all about how passionately in love with me (and you) God is – and that He even likes me!

Even when I fail.

Which, I’ve already stated…is a lot.

I’m learning through this first chapter that being perfect, being worthy, being good, being beautiful…is not why God is in love with me.

He is in love with me because He made me.

And now He wants me to live my life with Him.

“God invites us into a process. Our journey to get there takes place in the day in and day out of the dusty and gritty here and now. And it is to the dusty, gritty here and now that Jesus comes.”

Hallelujah!!!

Jesus comes!

To my mess!

“You are amazing. Well, okay, maybe not every day. Every day the wonder of you is amazing, but many days the wonder of you is buried beneath the rubble of a world gone mad.”

Can I be honest? I’m very often buried under the rubble, and it’s not even the world that has gone mad, but it is I who have gone berserk.

And you know something amazing? He’s not surprised. Nor is He disappointed. When I’m disappointed, He’s not. He invites me into His plan for me all the same.

“It is a beautiful paradox that the more God’s we become, the more ourselves we become – the ‘self’ He had in mind when He thought of you before the creation of the world.”

Before I was, He had me in mind. He had a plan for me – talents, passions, joys, dreams. He created me with that plan built-in!

Then I decide that I have a better plan. I live my life in my own madness, striving for my own world-defined standard of perfection, and I fail. And when Jesus lovingly nudges my heart with the suggestion that maybe I should try His way, I balk at the idea of change.

And then He whispers, “What if change is actually just Me unveiling who you really are?”

So when I finally admit to Him in my raw weakness that I really have no idea who I really am, and that the me I’ve been pretending to be is completely fabricated…He sighs a huge sigh of relief and wraps His arms around me.

“And yet God does not then toss us aside. He restores us – the real us.”

THIS, my friends, is where the part about how I suck at some things a lot starts to make sense.

I wasn’t created to be wonderful at everything, and when I try to make myself fit into a different mold, I fail.

And…

**that’s okay!**

You know why? The real me is really good at some things – just not those things.

Change - Becoming Me

So here is a partial list of things that I thought I was supposed to be good at, but I am not (seriously, this list could go for miles…it’s just a sampling):

Having dinner on the table for my family when Ty comes home.

Playing pretend with my kids (make-believe, cars, making up stories…really anything requiring an imagination).

Waking up early to read a devotion every day.

Waking up early to make breakfast for Ty before work.

…Really just waking up early for anything.

Keeping my kitchen spotless.

Doing laundry on a regular basis.

Record-keeping and filing.

Controlling myself when it comes to cake (or really any sugar for that matter).

Finding balance in the full-ness of our life.

 **

Really, the list can go on and on.

But there are some things that I happen to be pretty good at, and I am finally realizing that God created me with those passions and talents so that I would actually use them.

Some of those things include: 

Spending a lot of time with my kids doing real-time activities (riding bikes, coloring, reading, shooting baskets).

Making food for large crowds.

Being productive late at night.

Planning fun parties for family and friends.

Empathizing with others’ pain and hurt.

Keeping things clean enough that people can come to my home without me being embarrassed.

Really big laundry days.

Spontaneity.

**

So, you know what?

Sometimes, I suck.

And it’s time I stop pretending that I won’t, or that I shouldn’t.

Jesus is in love with me anyway, and He’s excited for me to learn how to become the me I was created to be. And He wants to help me with that.

He wants to help YOU with that!

Can we all just agree to stop pretending we won’t be terrible at some things? Let’s become ourselves, shall we?

I hope you’ll stick around for the rest of what I learn from this book – Staci Eldredge is amazing, and I’m so grateful for this new book!

What are the things that you are really good at doing or being? I’d love to hear your talents and passions that are a part of the real you that you were created to be! 

3 Comments

mom

about 5 years ago

It is crazy how many of the "good at" and "suck at" things we share. I am good at keeping up with the house though, because I think I was meant to be a housewife, not a career gal. I wish that I knew how to run a business so I could get my love of sewing to pay, but I REALLY suck at that! It is a beautiful thing to remember that Jesus loves us and doesn't expect perfection, just real-ness. I think the same is true, or should be, in a marriage. Both people loving each other's real self and assuring each other that "You are safe here, the real you." It is useless when we try to pretend anyway because those who are closest to us are not fooled, and only frustrated that we won't trust them with our true heart. Or, if I try to fool someone who doesn't know me that well, and can make them believe I am really that good, it only makes them feel more inadequate than they probably already do. Either way, in-authenticity alienates and offends but honest humility draws others in and allows them to be honest too. Thanks, Hayley, for your willingness to admit your shortcomings and to celebrate your talents.

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