Really. Wow. That’s all I have.
When I started my blog, I didn’t realize that within 5 posts, I would be at almost 1,000 views!
So when I started this blog, my biggest hope was that people who read this would first understand about me that I just want to be authentic and honest. In turn, I hoped that people would be vulnerable and open with me, too. I want this place to be a safe place.
And then I got almost 1,000 views.
Here’s my honesty — I freaked out. And not like I’m-a-teenage-girl-who-just-got-front-row-seats-to-One-Direction kind of freaking out. Like oh-boy-I’m-way-outta-my-league freaking out.
Don’t get me wrong, I started this to help people and to reach people — moms specifically. I fought God long and hard about even starting it, because it’s hard for me to put myself out there and say “here’s me!” Once I accepted that God was really, truly asking me to start a blog, I prayed that God would bless my work, and that I would be of some value for a couple of people.
But I have to tell you, I didn’t expect to reach 1,000 views until…well, until my 1,000th post. Really. I told myself that this was a kind of place where I would just use it like an online journal that my mom could log on and read if she wanted. If someone happened upon it, a post or two might encourage them, and that would be an accomplishment.
So…not that anyone probably noticed, but it’s been a while since I posted something. Like I said — I freaked out! Did I mention that? I could make some excuses. I was out of town, my computer battery isn’t working properly and needs to be fixed, I’ve been super busy…all true!
Except…the truth was that I was kind of relieved I had all those excuses! I was running from this a little bit because it all of a sudden got overwhelming. It got real. The story of Jonah is a favorite story in my house (I think my boys like the idea of living in a big fish for a few days — what an adventure!) so I should know better than to run from what God has asked me to do!
God apparently has a little bigger plans than just my mom reading this. When I ran, He kept
dragging lovingly guiding me back here to my computer. Even now, He’s reminding me that this is His work and not mine. The lyrics of a song called “When a Heart Breaks” by Ben Rector have been stuck in my head. *It’s not about blogging.* But part of the chorus is this:
This isn’t easy
This isn’t clear
And you don’t need Jesus
Til you’re here
Then confusion and the doubts you had
Up and walk away
They walk away
(you can find the rest of the lyrics and download the song here)
Here’s more of my honesty and my authenticity. I’m not going to run from this anymore. I am committed to this. And I’m terrified!
But this is where I need Jesus. And this is right where Jesus will meet me.
I am BY. NO. MEANS. an expert on anything. But God has made it abundantly clear to me that this is my place. This is where I belong for now. Non-expert-ness (not a word, I know…) and all. So I hope that you can bear with me while I find my rhythm and my confidence. Because He’s got things He wants to say, and I’m supposed to be here to do the typing.
So…this wasn’t a post with a ton of pictures of my cute (if I do say so myself) kids, or of any projects.
But I hope you stick around and do this with me! If God’s got plans, I know they’re awesome.
Please tell me I’m not alone in trying to change God’s plans, or at least running from them. Have anything that you’ve run from but it turned out to be just what you needed to do? Share it in the comments!