Okay, so remember this post where I had a little moment of freaking out? And then I promised that I wouldn’t do it again?
Turns out…I lied.
Something so awesome and so humbling has happened on this little blog. God has used it, and I’m overwhelmed by it.
Here’s what usually happens around here. I think, “Shoot, I haven’t written a post in a while. Well, crap! I have nothing to write about – it’s been pretty boring around here!” Then I start panicking and frantically looking all around me for something post-worthy.
Piled up (and sometimes smelly) dishes? Too embarrassing for today. Plus that means I’d have to do them…and let’s be honest – that’s not happening right now.
How about a project? What projects have I been wanting to get done lately? The pantry! Hooray! I found it! Oh, it will just look so beautiful by the time it’s all done! Okay, pull yourself together, Hayley. It’s like a 5 day project.
Okay, maybe just some thoughts. What have you been thinking about lately? Naps. And sunshine. Napping in the sunshine! Okay, that’s stupid. For real. What’s your problem?
And then I don’t post because I’m feeling stupid and insignificant, with nothing to contribute to anyone’s lives.
But then there are these rare moments of clarity. These moments when I just know that, without a doubt, something holy is happening. Sometimes it just hits me. Sometimes I’ve prayed and just meekly asked if God could give me at least a little nugget to post. Sometimes a situation presents itself to me and I think, “BINGO!” And sometimes I just have this thought that gets bigger and bigger and bigger and suddenly it’s so big that I feel like if I don’t start typing right now, I might explode.
These are the times in which I know that I am standing on holy ground. God has things He needs me to say, and He delivers them in such a variety of ways. He makes sure I don’t miss them.
Some of those posts are really difficult to write. I use the copy and paste features frequently, and the delete key more than any other key. These posts take much more thought and planning than most. I write outlines on paper, cross things out, and walk away for a while just to gather my thoughts.
Other posts, my fingers just fly across the keyboard. Words flow freely and I just know that something amazing is happening.
Either way, when God has given me something to write, I have never really considered that He was having me write things for anyone else. I have pretty much felt like God was teaching me something, so it was important for me to write it down so I would have a record of it.
But then an insane thing happened.
Thousands of people read it. All over the world.
People in 47 countries have visited this blog.
Did you just about throw up? No? Just me?
God is doing something here. He’s got things He’s trying to say, and oddity of all oddities, He’s using me to say some of them.
So, naturally, like the extremely flawed human that I am, I panicked and clammed up. I haven’t even looked at the blog for over a week. I’ve chosen to lay out by the pool instead of write, and I’ve totally numbed out watching TV instead of planning things for a post.
Those things in and of themselves aren’t terrible, but they’re a symptom of something bigger – I’m panicking!
Every once in a while, people will mention that they love reading my blog, and it’s very sweet. It warms my heart that people are reading. But for the most part, I just assume it’s a one and done kind of thing. They probably read the Scrabble wall post and enjoyed it, and then they moved on. They didn’t really have anything else to say to me that day, so that’s what they knew they could use.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always felt that those people do mean it – they liked what they read. But I never considered that anything I was writing was changing anything for them.
But something strange has been happening lately. On a regular basis, people are seeking me out to tell me how much they truly enjoy reading the things that I write. People that I never would have even thought would read anything I have to say are telling me with such earnest sincerity that they are different people because of something that I have said.
Let me be very very clear about something. I do not write anything because it’s mine to say. All of these words are His. Jesus has changed my life and the way that I view everything.
It colors how I live, how I parent, how I give, how I love, and certainly, how I write.
God is doing something here.
And it’s freaking me out! I mean, that’s just the honest truth. I’m overwhelmed by the weight of this. It’s so scary to put words out into the world and assign my name to them.
But recently, I told a person close to me that one of the most important things that we do as followers of Jesus is that we listen to what He’s asking us to do and we do it whole-heartedly.
What a hypocrite I’ve been!
So again, here’s my renewed commitment to you. To us.
I won’t leave this. I’m supposed to be here, at my computer, typing when Jesus asks me to type. Learning as I go about how to be a unique blend of Mary and Martha, and unpacking the responsibility I’ve been given about being an ezer kenegdo and raising Spartans.
So in light of this renewed sense of purpose, here is the new logo that I’ve just adopted, combining the idea of femininity with strength and purpose. The shield is a representation of being a strong defender of our families as women and mothers.
But this time, I hope that, in return, you’ll make a commitment, too.
What is the thing that you know Jesus has been asking you to do lately? Even if you are still doing that – even if you haven’t run from it like I have (you’re certainly better than I am), I hope that you renew your commitment to do it. Has Jesus asked you to serve somewhere? Has Jesus asked you to change something in your life?
Today, I hope you commit with me to do those things that we’ve been called to. It’s a holy calling, and it’s a privilege to be a part of them. Let’s claim the blessing that comes with being obedient.
Let’s learn together how to be both Mary and Martha, and leaders of Spartans. And let’s do all of this together, okay?
I can’t do this alone, and I know you can’t either. If you’re up for it, would you leave the thing that Jesus is calling you to in the comments? If you would rather send me a private message, click on the “Contact” button on this page and send me a private message. I want to pray for you. Truly and honestly, I want to pray for you, and I will.