…picked a piece of food up off of the floor and, greatly underestimating the last time you mopped, handed it back to your child? Call it the “5-minute rule.”
…considered swimming in the pool a sufficient enough bath?
…tried to keep sleeping (or wishfully willing yourself to go back to sleep) on the couch while your kids watch TV because it’s far too early in the morning to be awake?
…looked at your kids and thought, “I seriously love you so much that I might eat your face off!”?
…used the rare opportunity of a moment of silence to just stare at the wall and think nothing?
…driven through fast food for your kids because you’ve been running errands all day and JUST NOW realized that you’ve fed no one lunch yet?
…been so sick and tired of everyone not listening to the words you say that you start having a heated discussion with yourself?
…offered a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or cereal for all three meals of the day because it’s the one thing you know will get eaten and it’s just the one thing that you can’t handle fighting about today?
…let your kids sleep in their clothes so that they’ll be ready for school tomorrow upon waking up?
…invented reasons to run to the store “really quickly” just so you can walk around with no kids?
…eaten the last of the favorite treat in the house? Then when your kids asked for some, “sadly” informed them that it’s all gone? Or better yet…lied about it being all gone, planning to finish it up when they’re not looking?
…pulled into the driveway and realized that your kids were asleep, understanding that you’d have to be a self-loathing idiot to wake those kids up, so you decide to just sit in the car and read Facebook instead?
…or better yet, just left the movie running in the back seat once you pulled into the driveway so that you could fall asleep in the front seat and know your kids are buckled in and staying put?
Yeah, no, me neither. Those things would make me totally crazy.