In the two weeks since my last post, I have really felt….weighed down.
I’ve been overwhelmed by blessing.
I know, I know. Hear me out.
In light of such a tragedy, growing terror in the Middle East, seeing children hiding from bombs in Israel, sorrow and anger in Ferguson, political turmoil….all of my life has seemed somewhat shallow.
Too fun, too pleasant, too good. Almost too good to talk about.
So I haven’t talked about it.
I don’t mean this as a bragging post. Or a “humble brag.”
To be honest, this has been paralyzing me a little bit, and it’s been having a weird effect on me.
I’ve been alternately depressed, withdrawn, lazy, unproductive, and grumpy.
I’ve had dishes piling up for days, laundry overflowing from the hampers, and mail stacked as tall as a small child. I’ve been rather disengaged from my kids and Ty, feeling like I don’t deserve to have a say in, or enjoyment from, those relationships. I’ve let so many things go unchecked in my life so that it’s become totally unbalanced. I haven’t checked in with friends, feeling unworthy of friendship.
I am, of course, unworthy of every single one of my blessings.
And that’s what makes my attitude these last two weeks so disappointing.
What a way to be attacked, no?
You’re too blessed!! You should be ungrateful for all your undeserved blessings and then squander them!!
Honestly, people, I’m surprised you guys stick around here. I’m a total mess. Obviously.
But here’s what God did with me this morning: He gently shook me out of it.
He showed me my home, my life, my family, my friends, and He said, “Enough.”
Enough of this attitude. Of this paralysis. Of this wastefulness. Enough of this being overwhelmed business.
The verse of the day on my YouVersion app (seriously, you need this if you don’t have it…) was this:
Attention, all! See the marvels of God!
He plants flowers and trees all over the earth,
Bans war from pole to pole, breaks all the weapons across His knee.
“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.”
-Psalm 46:10 (The Message)
He’s got everything that seems out of control under control. He’s blessed us with flowers and trees for beauty’s sake. He’s given us blessings that are just for the sake of blessings.
I don’t know why I get to wake up every morning and hug my kids. I don’t know why my kids were born in a home that is loving, with food and safety and Jesus. I don’t know why we got the good stuff, because believe me, we don’t deserve it.
But we have been given good stuff. Great stuff.
And me sitting around here, taking God out of the equation, and not giving Him the time of day to really get to the bottom of how to use those blessings for His glory is wasteful. And shameful.
It’s time to stop ignoring my blessings as I watch the scary world, and allow my heartbreak to translate into using my blessings to the very last drop in order to love and bless those around me like Jesus asks.
So today, all I have for you is this:
I’m a mess. I’ve been paralyzed by my blessings, of all things.
But I hope that I (we) can see that these blessings weren’t made to be ignored or wasted. They were meant to be multiplied and shared in the name of Jesus.
Now it’s time to pull my life back together, if you’ll just excuse me….