Hayley Schraufnagel Posts

On Being a Good Friend

On Being a Good Friend

Recently one of my closest friends, Machelle, moved to a different state.

Before she left, our close group of friends did a photo shoot together so that we could send her off with some great pictures of all of us together.

Of course, when they came back from the photographer, we all started posting a couple on Facebook. They were such great pictures that captured all of us and our individual senses of humor, our personalities, and our love for each other.

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But something kind of odd happened when we started posting them online. I started getting a lot of questions and comments about them. Of course, there were the obligatory “what a beautiful picture!” or “such beautiful ladies!” comments because let’s face it — they’re a great looking group of girls, and bonus – we had a magical photographer. But then there were some more private comments that quite a few people made in person.

“I wish I had a group of friends like that.”

“How did you find such a good group of friends?”

“I saw those pictures of you and your friends online. What a cool thing – I’m so jealous of your friendships.”

“I’ve never even had one friend that I was close to like that.”

“I see you and your friends online sometimes. How do you get friends like that?”

I know that I have been so very blessed in the department of friendships — both near and far. It’s been years and years since I have been without a wonderful social circle around me.

But true friendships don’t come easily, and they don’t come cheap.

There’s a verse in the Bible that is thrown around a lot about friendship. It’s in John, and it’s Jesus talking. He says,

“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”

When most people use it, they use it in the context of actually laying down your life for a friend — dying for a friend. Taking the place of a friend in a moment of courage and deep love. This is what Jesus did for us, and He calls us His friends — an unspeakable and grace-filled honor.

And while that is so amazing, and it’s true that if you were to die for a friend, it would be a gigantic expression of love on behalf of your friend, it’s a rare occurrence to need to die for a friend.

What makes such a good friend and is the greatest expression of friendship is setting your life aside in favor of a friend’s life.

Your time for theirs.

Your needs for theirs.

Your wants for theirs.

You have to be present for all the things. Good things. Bad things. Hard things. Fun things. Silly things. Heartbreaking things.

You need to be a friend who knows their favorites. Someone who will lovingly tell the truth. You must be able to keep a secret.

To be a good friend, you show up for their life.

You see their talents and encourage their passions. You pray for them. You want their greatest good always.

You don’t have great friends without being a great friend.

True, lasting, and deep Spartan friendship is a two-way street with lots of sacrifice and vulnerability and accountability and lots of time. It requires forgiveness and grace and mercy.

To have a meaningful friendship is costly for both friends.

It’s knowing that your friend needs help with some construction at the office and jumping on a plane and working for 3 days straight.

It’s getting the text, “He left.” and showing up with wine and chocolate and tissues. Then spending the next months and years working together to rebuild the woman and the life.

It’s hearing the words, “It’s cancer,” and standing with her and saying, “I’m with you and I won’t leave you. I’ll fight for you. I’ll be your strength when you don’t have it. We can do this together.”

It’s dropping everything and flying to your friend’s hospital bedside when they’ve been in a car accident, and taking turns with her husband sleeping in the chair.

It’s being available for middle of the night phone calls.

It’s telling a friend, “I hear you and I understand your side, but I think that this time, you’re wrong and he’s right.”

It’s showing up with packing boxes and tape and snacks and a can-do attitude to help your friend move.

It’s saying, “I’m so sorry I hurt you,” sometimes and “I forgive you,” just as many times.

It’s the Tuesdays, and the birthdays, and being present even when you weren’t asked.

It’s painting living rooms, babysitting, nights out, and choosing time together over laundry.

Laying down your life isn’t necessarily dying.

“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”

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P.S. I’m obviously super passionate about friendship. I’ve talked about it before, and if you want to read some more of my thoughts,   click here and here.

Today is Thursday.

Today is Thursday.

Some facts.

Today is Thursday.

An incredible man, Bob Goff, wrote a book called “Love Does”  and it changed my life.

*subfact: It will change yours for sure and you should read it.*

In his book, Bob says that every Thursday, he quits something. He quits something because he wants to make more room for people and more room for Jesus.

Today is Thursday

Today is Thursday. And today I’m quitting something.

Today is the day that I refuse to feel guilty about nothing anymore. 

I’m tired of walking around with guilt that shouldn’t be mine. There are plenty of things for me to feel guilty about that I could totally own. I mess up frequently.

I’m grumpy, I’m hangry, I’m crazy.

I get lazy, I yell, I get impatient.

Like, a lot.

I have so many things that I could spend my time making right, and asking for forgiveness for that I don’t need to add on guilt for things that I’ve never done. And all of those things that I’ve actually done? Jesus has already forgiven me for them.

I’m tired of letting other people make me feel guilty for things they think I should do, or shouldn’t do, or will do, or maybe did.

This comes so much with the territory with moms, especially, but also with just women in general. Not that the world as a whole doesn’t supply plenty of pressure, but women specifically place a lot of this pressure on each other.

As a mom, I was told that I needed to breastfeed. As soon as I told people that I would be nursing Noah, the women who didn’t nurse automatically took my choice as a judgment on them, and began making excuses for their own choice, even though the only topic of discussion was MY choice. Many of those who nursed felt like we inherently were on the same side of a battle, and felt comfortable discussing why those who didn’t were in the wrong.

When I decided to stay home with my kids instead of have a career, many women with jobs around me felt like I was making a statement about their decision to work. Other stay-at-home moms felt like they’d gained another ally to add to their number.

I eat junk food and I love it. I’ve been trying to change that, and I am working to change the way that my family and I eat. There’s a battle about that. When I decline a food that I feel we shouldn’t eat, some feel like I’m judging the way that they eat.

Ty and I decide to go out on a double date with another couple. Then some couple feels like we are upset with them for not choosing them instead.

And Heaven help me if I plan a birthday party. Who knows how many hundreds of people are offended that they weren’t on the 3 year old’s list of people to invite.

I nursed my first child, and bottle-fed my second child.

I may not have a job, but my choice to stay home with my kids was a very personal one, and is in no way a statement made for the benefit of other people. Some women would love to stay home with their kids but they must work. Some women have the desire to work, but for the benefit of their family they must stay home. Some want to work and enjoy it.

I am changing the way that my family eats because I have a personal conviction that I feel better when I eat better, and we might as well do it as a family. Not everyone is in a place to afford the changes it takes to make real life change in the area of eating. Very few people have the time that it takes to do it completely – me included. Which means that I have one foot on one side of the line, and one foot on the other.

I enjoy a lot of people, and would love to spend time with pretty much anyone. But if I tried to spend time with all of them at once, I would spend no time with anyone. Everyone would lose.

I can’t have everyone I know over for a birthday party, so I have to choose the people that know my kids the most and limit it to the children who are closest to my kids.

If the gossip train really gets going, or if someone sees something on Facebook and interprets it in a way I did not intend, if someone infers something that I didn’t say, if…if…IF…IF….IF!!!!!!

You guys.

We have to stop the madness.

Today I was chatting with God and handing over all my guilt yet again, as is our ritual. I lament my failures, apologize, plead for forgiveness, and feel unworthy, forgetting the valiant sacrifice already made on my behalf. Jesus, in His amazing graciousness wipes my slate clean and picks my chin up and dusts me off and gives me a gentle nudge to face the day again.

But today, I heard Jesus whisper deep down in my soul, “Wait, some of these don’t belong to you. Where did you find these?”

Some of these things that I’m feeling guilt over aren’t mine. So much of this guilt I feel isn’t mine. It’s over things I didn’t do – just things that others expected me to do. Or it’s from things I did and have allowed others to make me feel shame about or insecure about, when none was needed.

I’m tired of letting others dictate what I should feel guilty about, aren’t you? I’m tired of not having room for Jesus or other people because I’m taking up all the space and time with worrying about things that didn’t even happen.

I want my gauge of whether or not I’ve done wrong to be based on truth and fact. On Biblical authority. On those who have my best interest at heart. On who Jesus created me to be, and what He asks me to do.

Today is Thursday.

And today, I am done feeling guilty because others tell me I should.

Will you join me?

I’m Just In It

I’m Just In It

Hello again sweet friends!

I feel like it has been far too long since I’ve written to you all! I’ve been jonesing for some time to write and I just haven’t been getting it!

On some level, I’d love to write every day. But let’s be honest….I’m kind of a spaz and I don’t quite find the time every day. Or most days.

I think I talk a lot about being in a funk. I get in them for a couple days every few weeks, I suppose. I think it’s just feeling like I’ve been doing the same thing over and over and I get…for lack of a better word, bored. I feel like I just kind of numb out until I am jolted back to reality that my life is so wonderful and I need to be reminded that I am so so grateful.

I don’t have any deep insights for you today, or anything really special to share. I just wanted to let you know that I’m in it with you. I’m in the daily grind. The Christmas take-down. The recalibrating schedules after break. The part where you feel lonely and sometimes unnoticed. The “I just did the dishes, how are there more?” part of life. The zombie when I wake up, zombie when I lie down. It’s chilly, and it’s dark until late in the morning and early at night.

My house looks like this, people. All of it.


(And for the record, you can see that my Christmas tree is still up in the background. I can’t take it down by myself, so there it sits until I have a taller grownup to help me. It might be a Valentine’s tree. Um, don’t judge me. It’s totally a thing. Or it will be. You’ll see.)

I’m just in it with you.

The mundane, and the messy.

And the best part?

So. Is. Jesus.

I woke up this morning and from the depths of my soul, I just whispered, “Just be with me today.”

Do you ever just feel like all you can say to Jesus is, “Could you just…not leave me?”

Today was that day. All I had left for Jesus today was a silent plea to simply be right with me.

So all I have for you is this — you are not alone.

I see you. Jesus sees you.

Power on, dear friend. Power on.

To a New Year!

To a New Year!

So I was going to post about this yesterday, but I decided that I was needed elsewhere, and that was more important. Sorry, peeps.

One of my closest friends in the whole wide world moved away from me. We needed to pack up her life and move her away from me, and then I had to curl up in a ball and, well, bawl.

Being the superb and astonishingly great friend that I am, I am thrilled for her. However, being the true friend that I am, I am secretly hoping she gets lost on the way there and just decides to turn around and come back home in a flurry of laughter and tears and full of apologies that she won’t ever leave again, and she didn’t really even mean to leave in the first place because she can’t live without all of us and our wonderful selves.

Okay, I couldn’t help it. The situation calls for some drama. I’m a mess about it. I have been crying on and off for a few days. And also, you’re not the boss of me, so I can be as melodramatic as I want.

But since I couldn’t write this post yesterday, I’m writing it today. Pretend it was yesterday, okay?

Today, this post is about what I see in my 2015, and what I can now see about what has happened with the achievement of my goals in 2014 (hint…it’ll make you feel better about yours).

Last year, at the beginning of the new year, I wrote a post about how much I don’t like to write a list of resolutions that can’t be quantified.

So I gave a big list of things that I wanted to do in 2014, and put numbers to them to hold me accountable. Aren’t I just the most clever?

Turns out that I wasn’t as successful as I thought I’d be. I suppose that’s the way it goes with goals a lot of times, isn’t it? I wanted to read a book a month, and I am proud to say that I surpassed that goal, and also a little sad to say, it’s the only goal I achieved completely.

I wanted to make more meals with only real food, and I did a great job with it until recently, when life fell apart (More drama, I know. It’s just spilling over into everything. I’ll get a handle on it another day.). I think that I can trace it back to Noah starting kindergarten. Or more specifically, when he went to full-day. I think I started eating my feelings, and it just so happens my feelings really like junk food and sugar. I’ll put that on the list for 2015 again….

Another goal was that I would have a date a month with each of my kids separately. I definitely didn’t do this like I thought that I would. But I will tell you why. This year, my kids really blossomed into being the sweetest of friends. Okay, they still fight like brothers, and it’s not to say that they can’t be apart from each other, but I just mean that they started to really, truly enjoy their time together, and it hasn’t really occurred to me to separate them like I thought I’d want to on a regular basis. So I guess, overall, I’m not that mad about that. Ha!

The last specific goal I had was to have “no TV” Tuesdays. We did AWESOME with this until summer. And then let’s get real for a second here…it was hot enough to bake your insides so we spent a lot of time in the pool lest we become a little bit of Arizona soufflé, and for some Tuesdays we stayed inside. I don’t know what happened, but I’m pretty sure that the desert fairies came and turned the television on, and from there on out, we were at the mercy of the desert fairies. Yeah, I think that is what happened. We’re going with that.

So here’s the deal.

I’m making some new goals this year, knowing what I know about last year and its goals.

Without further ado…

PHYSICAL GOAL – Go to bed at 10:00 one night a week.

I think that a lot of my impatience, backed up to-do lists, and frustrations could be solved by getting more sleep. Here’s the problem, though. I am very much not a morning person. Well, unless we count the wee hours of the morning as morning. Then I’m a big morning person. But that only counts if I’ve been awake all of the hours leading up to the wee hours. If I was asleep first and then woke up in the wee hours, I’m a monster. Straight up. A sad, frightened, angry monster.

I digress…I’m a night person. But guess what? The world functions as if we are all morning people. Unfair, I know. For some insane reason, I must be awake at ungodly hours like 7:00 in the morning. Multiple times a week. Don’t ask me how I do it. Only by the grace of Jesus, people. So one night a week, I will put my stubborn self in the bed at 10:00.


Due to being a high-strung, stressed out, multi-tasking mom of little people, I am sometimes not really here when I’m here. Know what I’m saying? I’m in my to-do list. I’m answering emails on the computer. I’m planning dinners at dinner. I know you know what I’m talking about.

I need to be more present in the moment. When something’s happening, I’d like to be there to remember it. When someone is talking to me, I definitely want to hear what they’re saying. If my kids are asking insane questions, I want to respond with insane answers (“I’m not sure why a table is called a table, but I’m pretty sure the committee for the naming of common objects felt this was the best option, so I trust their opinion.”). I don’t want to miss more things because I’m trying to do or plan other things.

I want my boys to know that a Spartan is greatest when they are in tune with the world around them, and the people in it. When they’re listening for the promptings and whispers of Jesus. Amazing things happen when you’re here for the now.

I want to be here for the now.

BLOG GOAL – Instagram

Ha! This one is hands down the most fun.

I have rejoined Instagram, people. It’s about to get crazy!!

I joined a few years ago and posted exactly 14 posts. And then forgot Instagram existed. But I’m back and ready to rock and roll!

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Last year, I did a cool project all year. It wasn’t really a goal, but more of a challenge for myself. I took a picture every single day of 2014. If I took 100 pictures on a certain day, I chose one to kind of speak for the day. I got the idea initially from my cousin’s wife and she has done it for a few years now. Then I started seeing people doing it with all kinds of themes and fun variations, and I was hooked. I love the collection I have from last year!

But this year I want to share them with you on Instagram! I’ll still be on Facebook, but this is me joining 2015 with all of the gusto I can muster!

My cousin’s wife labels them and captions them and they’re all organized. My friend who does it has great titles for each picture to add to the pizazz.

I’m just going to be honest with you, because that’s what we do here.

That probably ain’t happenin’. Because I probably just can’t even.

Let’s count it as a win that I get all the pictures taken and loaded to Instagram, okay?

But that brings me to my favorite part – come follow me on Instagram! Show me the ropes. Tag me in pictures. Teach me your ways, Instagrammers!

My username is hschrauf, and I hope that you come and check this fun project out and be a part of it with me. I need your knowledge and your friendship (wait, is it something else if you’re on Instagram. Oh, help.).

 * * * * *

People, I hope that this year is more about living and loving than about lists and resolutions. I hope that you are able to give yourself grace if you don’t follow through on your goals.

At the heart of all of this, I hope that you take this new and fresh start to find out where Jesus is going, and you let Him bring you along.

Top 3 Posts of 2014 – #1: On Being a New Mom

Top 3 Posts of 2014 – #1: On Being a New Mom

Well, it’s the last day of 2014. It’s a time of looking back on where you’ve been, and looking ahead to what is to come.

I could have said that you were reminiscing about where you’ve been, but for some of you, that’s not the case. It’s been looking back with relief that it’s over, or sadness that your pain isn’t over.

I could have also said that you were looking forward with excitement to what is coming. I know that for some, that’s just not true. Maybe you’re looking forward to the year with fear, angst, or dread.

I want to tell you that I see you where you are.

I see your pain, your trepidation, your relief.

Endings and beginnings are hard.

A lot of times they are good while they are hard.

I think that’s what made the #1 post of this year the most read post.

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In this post, I remembered with such real anxiety and joy what it was like to be a new mom, and I just had to remind us to look on new moms with sensitivity and compassion.

I hope that this post gives you so much hope, and reminds you that around here…we are real. Sometimes life sucks, and sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it’s full of laughter in pain.

We all felt this post.

We shared it, we embraced it, and we held onto it. I hope that we can be reminded why by reading this one more time this year.

If you missed posts #2 and #3, click on the numbers to take you back!

Here’s to holding on to hope and joy when life is hard.

Post #1 – On Being a New Mom

Top 3 Posts of 2014 – #2: Saying I’m Sorry

Top 3 Posts of 2014 – #2: Saying I’m Sorry

Did you miss what we’re doing here and why?

Click here to get the scoop!

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I can’t wait for you guys to read this year’s second most-read post. It was a hard post for me to write for sure. It’s never fun to admit when you’re wrong. It’s even less fun when you were wrong, it hurt your kid, and then you had to tell the school secretary what happened.

But you know what? Something resonated with all of you. Turns out we’ve all made mistakes, and know the freedom that comes from admitting when you were wrong. It was shared all over the place as we all realized that doing life is hard, and sometimes we must stop and apologize.

I’m so proud of all of you.

I’m proud that you used this moment of my weakness to change the way you thought about yourselves and those around you who are affected by your behavior.

I’m proud that you declared your weakness publicly by sharing the post with others. It takes a beautiful humility to admit something that you’re not proud in yourself.

Thank you for reminding me and reminding so many HUNDREDS of others that we are all not alone, even in our weakness.

I hope this reminds you again today just how special and freeing it is to admit your weakness and mistakes, and to be met with sweet and pure forgiveness.

Post #2: Saying I’m Sorry







Top 3 Posts of 2014 – #3: Choose Courage

Top 3 Posts of 2014 – #3: Choose Courage

As 2014 is coming to a close, I’m reflecting back on the year.

Personally, 2014 was a pretty great year. We did a lot of traveling as a family, and just as adults. We expanded Ty’s business (see here and here), started kindergarten, and continued working with Paladin Sports Outreach, an organization so very dear to our heart.

But as a blogger, this was a year of growth, learning, and connecting. We’ve doubled readers, expanded some ideas and pruned others, and I’ve started getting much more connected with you all on Facebook. I’ve got some good plans for 2015 already, and I’m so excited about what’s to come around here!

So looking back on the year, I’m reposting the three top read posts of 2014. Rather than copying and pasting the whole article, I am just linking it back to the original post. I hope that these bless you again as much as they did me when I reread them.

I’m blessed to have you here, and I hope that God is blessing you in return with all of the things He’s doing in this little corner of the blogosphere.

Check back tomorrow for another popular post from 2014!

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The third most read post of the year was a post that I did as part of a blog tour. It was one of those posts that literally flew from my fingers to the keys. As I remembered that moment up on the balance beam, I was transported back in time. The words flowed freely, and the emotion in the post affected me so deeply for a few weeks. I was so glad to see that so many of you were affected by it as deeply as I was. Not only was it one of the most read posts and most shared posts, but it was one of the posts that I received the most feedback from, also.

I hope that reading this post, whether it’s your first time or you’re back for a second helping, reminds you in this new year to choose courage. This is a time to start over, change your mindset or your habits, to try something scary and new. My wish for you is that you would do each of those things with such courage and strength!

Post #3 – Choose Courage

DIY Desperation

DIY Desperation

I pretty much always love doing things myself. Well almost. Laundry and dishes I’m totally fine passing off to someone else. Oh, and toilets. And dusting. OKAY!! I like doing HANDY things and CRAFTING things myself.

Anyway…DIY stuff is almost always guaranteed to hit a snag. Or seven.

I took pictures of the proof that all the projects that garner the most compliments from people have really been fought for with blood, sweat, and tears.


This was the result of trying to hang curtains that my mom made at my sister’s house. Do you see that there are approximately 100 holes? I was trying to drill only two.

You can see in one of the holes that there is what is left of a drywall anchor. It shattered into tiny pieces when I was hammering it into the hole. Also, there is apparently a random metal piece under this patch of drywall that prevented a screw from going farther than ¼” into the wall. So the drill would slip off of the screw a few rotations in and it would punch another hole in the wall. Thus the scattered holes around the whole wall.

It was exhausting!

I stripped a screw, I drilled into the back of my hand (Just slightly…but still stupid. Still painful.), and I had my arms above my head forever.

I actually had to just walk away from the project for a while. I can’t even tell you how my sister got it to work because I haven’t looked at them again. I’m a little bitter.

Need more consolation?

Minutes later, after my frustration from the curtain rod, I decided to hang a big canvas in my sister’s room.

In order to hang a canvas, the clever canvas people included this really cool way to measure the holes so that the atrocity above doesn’t happen. They give you these plastic pieces that leave a dent in the wall where the nail is supposed to go. And somehow…I screwed it up.


This is a picture I took to send to my dad to ask him how to get it unstuck from the wall.



I don’t know how it happened, but somehow this piece was literally ONE centimeter away from where it needed to be, but because the canvas is not flexible, it wouldn’t fit in the hole in the back of the canvas.

Once I realized my mistake, after groaning and pouting, I tried to pull it out. And it wouldn’t budge!

Nothing worked.

I tried prying it out with pliers, the back of a hammer, and a screwdriver!

Eventually, my sister came to the rescue again and manipulated the piece enough to squish it into the hole in the canvas.

I write this post today to let you know that not all projects go smoothly. In fact, most of them don’t.

But if you can take those hiccups in stride and just accept them as part of the game, you’ll do so much better. I’ve yet to run into a contractor, handyman, artist….really anyone, who hasn’t run into snags in their projects more often than not.

Just when you think you’ve got it down, the project hits a weird bump — like the piece of metal under the drywall to hang the curtain rod. There was no reason for that to be there, but it was nonetheless, and no one could’ve predicted that.

So I say all of these things to encourage you to keep going and not get discouraged. Understand that most of my “after” pictures have been achieved after quite a few sessions of pulling out my hair, lots of reconfiguration, new scribbling and drawing, maybe a wall bang or two, and sometimes even a little bit of crying.

So keep going!

And when you get to the end, you’ll be so glad that you did!

Are you a DIYer? How many snags would you say you hit on average per project? Do you have a good story to share in the comments? Let me know I’m not alone!!