31 Days {Day 6} – My Struggle

31 Days {Day 6} – My Struggle

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Welcome back to the 31 Days of Mary, Martha, & Sparta! If you missed it, here is the link to yesterday’s post!

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Well, it’s day 6, and honestly, I’m already struggling.

I have a lot of things to say, and I have plenty of topics planned. And yet, I’m paralyzed.

I keep thinking to myself, “What if what you have to say doesn’t matter? Who’s reading all of these words, anyway? It’s not that big of a deal, maybe you should just quit. No shame in quitting – it’s a really hard challenge.”

It’s not about the numbers – how many people read. My biggest fear when I started this blog was that I would start to become irrelevant or to say things that no one cared about.

But here’s the thing about being a writer: writers write. When I have something to write, I have to write it or it feels like my brain might explode! I’m constantly writing things. On napkins, on scrap paper, in my journal, on my phone, on my laptop…writing.

After I whined to God a little bit today, I realized that I’m not really going to quit this challenge.

What I have to say does matter. Sometimes I get caught up in the lie that there are already so many good writers out there that I have nothing to add to the arena – like the world of writing is saturated or something.

And as I’m panicking and feeling so down about myself (call the waaaaambulance…), it occurs to me that you all probably do this, too. Maybe not with writing, but with your thing.

We all have that something that we are good at that makes us feel insecure when we use it. We start to feel unworthy of that gift that God gave us. Sometimes we think that it will be better to just hide our gift instead.

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But here’s the thing – God didn’t just give us our gifts. He entrusted them to us, with the instruction and expectation that we would actually use them.

When we were entrusted with our gifts, it was part of a bigger plan – one we can’t see or possibly understand.

The things that I write are sometimes only seen by a handful of people in a small arena. Other times, they’re read by hundreds of people in various countries. Either way, those who read were all led to this place to hear what God would have me say.

You know what’s so great? The same thing goes for you. It may not be something that can be calculated like readers or attendance, like some. But your gift was given to you for a reason, and God’s got people who are supposed to be blessed by it. When you shrink away because of your insecurities or feeling uncertain, you’re hoarding your gift that was meant to be shared.

And the best part is: when I write, I’m so blessed – probably more than the readers. I love hearing from you all, and hearing what God is doing in your life, here and elsewhere. Not to mention the relief that I feel once those words are out of my head and onto paper (or screen, as it were).

Even now, at the end of this post, I’m feeling relieved and at peace. Sometimes the hardest part is just showing up. Today, it was hard to show up. It took me all day long.

I’m so glad that I chose to sit down and write. I’ve been afraid that my words won’t matter, but God will make them matter where He needs them to matter.

But the best part about it is that when you use your gift, God shows up, too. And then the blessings abound.

What’s the thing that God entrusted you with in your life? Are you shying away from that responsibility?

Will you do me a favor?

Just show up.

Me, too.

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To view the next post in the 31 Days of Mary, Martha, & Sparta, check it out here!

6 Comments

Mindy

about 2 years ago

I feel this way all the time. There are so many other shirt makers out there, and sometimes I feel as though I am out of my league. But, it just takes 1 person to tell me they like what I made, and it instantly makes me feel better, and keeps me creating. Keep going Hayley, I really enjoy reading what you write. I love to look forward to the daily post. I make it a point to relate to what you are saying, even though my life is so different from yours. I feel God gave you writing as one of your talents to show us how not alone we really are. Your writing keeps me interested enough to read through the whole thing. Everyone who knows me knows, that never happens. If I actually do get through the whole topic, it is usually unlikely that I retain the info I read. But your writing feels different. Keri going, you are doing great

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Hayley Schraufnagel

about 2 years ago

Thank you so much for reading! And thank you for creating and using your own gifts - you do it so well! I'm so glad you're here, and I'm grateful you stick around!

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Julie

about 2 years ago

Thank you for your message today. I, too, feel like what I do doesn't matter. Thank you for pointing out to me that I have been entrusted with talents and the things I do. I love reading your posts even if I don't always comment, your words always touch my heart.

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Hayley Schraufnagel

about 2 years ago

Thank you for always reading!

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Linda S

about 2 years ago

Fellow 31-Dayer here from the Family Life category - and like you, just trying to show up each day sharing a word and a thought. I love your honesty in this post. Thank you for putting your words down for us to read, so many feel the same way. Your blog is lovely and a wonderful place to visit - enjoy your month long hodgepodge adventure!

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Hayley Schraufnagel

about 2 years ago

So glad to hear from someone else in the challenge! And thank you for your kind words. I loved your post yesterday about being a yes mom. Thank you for encouraging me! Here's to our challenge! :)

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