Well, it’s day 6, and honestly, I’m already struggling.
I have a lot of things to say, and I have plenty of topics planned. And yet, I’m paralyzed.
I keep thinking to myself, “What if what you have to say doesn’t matter? Who’s reading all of these words, anyway? It’s not that big of a deal, maybe you should just quit. No shame in quitting – it’s a really hard challenge.”
It’s not about the numbers – how many people read. My biggest fear when I started this blog was that I would start to become irrelevant or to say things that no one cared about.
But here’s the thing about being a writer: writers write. When I have something to write, I have to write it or it feels like my brain might explode! I’m constantly writing things. On napkins, on scrap paper, in my journal, on my phone, on my laptop…writing.
After I whined to God a little bit today, I realized that I’m not really going to quit this challenge.
What I have to say does matter. Sometimes I get caught up in the lie that there are already so many good writers out there that I have nothing to add to the arena – like the world of writing is saturated or something.
And as I’m panicking and feeling so down about myself (call the waaaaambulance…), it occurs to me that you all probably do this, too. Maybe not with writing, but with your thing.
We all have that something that we are good at that makes us feel insecure when we use it. We start to feel unworthy of that gift that God gave us. Sometimes we think that it will be better to just hide our gift instead.
But here’s the thing – God didn’t just give us our gifts. He entrusted them to us, with the instruction and expectation that we would actually use them.
When we were entrusted with our gifts, it was part of a bigger plan – one we can’t see or possibly understand.
The things that I write are sometimes only seen by a handful of people in a small arena. Other times, they’re read by hundreds of people in various countries. Either way, those who read were all led to this place to hear what God would have me say.
You know what’s so great? The same thing goes for you. It may not be something that can be calculated like readers or attendance, like some. But your gift was given to you for a reason, and God’s got people who are supposed to be blessed by it. When you shrink away because of your insecurities or feeling uncertain, you’re hoarding your gift that was meant to be shared.
And the best part is: when I write, I’m so blessed – probably more than the readers. I love hearing from you all, and hearing what God is doing in your life, here and elsewhere. Not to mention the relief that I feel once those words are out of my head and onto paper (or screen, as it were).
Even now, at the end of this post, I’m feeling relieved and at peace. Sometimes the hardest part is just showing up. Today, it was hard to show up. It took me all day long.
I’m so glad that I chose to sit down and write. I’ve been afraid that my words won’t matter, but God will make them matter where He needs them to matter.
But the best part about it is that when you use your gift, God shows up, too. And then the blessings abound.
What’s the thing that God entrusted you with in your life? Are you shying away from that responsibility?
Will you do me a favor?
Just show up.